5 Questions with Nick Hogben

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Nick Hogben is both an artist and podcaster.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

 This is tricky because as part of my mental health recovery I tend to focus on what I am grateful for all the time, as such I have loads. However, family aside, I keep coming back to music and specifically making music. Learning to play the guitar occupied my tortured mind when I was going through my difficult teens. It also gave me something to aspire to. When I saw Kurt Cobain and figured out how to play Nirvana songs I thought ‘why not me’ I can do that. Playing the guitar gave me my own gang of like-minded mates too, who I could learn from and form bands with. We could have shared dreams and visions about taking over the world and all this came from a decision to learn to play guitar. The feeling you get when you play with a band is amazing, it hits you in the chest and makes you feel alive. Playing music has also given me most of my best life experiences, like playing good and bad gigs and touring around the country in a knackered van. It’s a gift that is still providing me with friends and amazing experiences to this day, even though I didn’t ever ‘make it’ in a band, in many ways that doesn’t matter.

Do you feel like you have lived this same day many times before?

 Yes of course, when suffering from clinical depression, this thought hits me constantly. More in the form of, isn’t life boring, what’s the point in living? I have grappled with this all my life, I hate being bored, but I’m also constantly exhausted and have no motivation (all part of my condition) I can never seem to find the balance! However, as I have progressed through years of therapy, it's a balance that keeps coming back to me. Being content with the fact that the days sometimes blur into one boring slog through existence and not seeing it as a negative thing. That’s when thinking about what you are grateful for can really help as you can think about what you have achieved and what is still out there in the world for you. I do feel like you have to make an effort to make life interesting for yourself.

What were you doing when you felt most passionate and alive?

 Well I covered this from the music angle already, so I will be more current. My podcast Mouth of Manliness has injected my life with so much that it has become an overwhelming passion. Shortly after starting the podcast, over a year ago, I was flooded with feedback from others, suffering with mental health issues, saying ‘thank you’ for being so honest about your mental health and suddenly my life had purpose. When other aspects of my life bring me down the podcast constantly lifts me and gives my life the much needed balance. Through talking about mental health with so many fellow sufferers of all different types, I have been able to learn and make sense of my own mental health. 

Are you living a meaningful life?

 My first thought is, what the hell is meaningful anyway? I am 44 now and for the bulk of my life I have strongly felt that my life had no meaning and life itself offered very little value at all. I used to be so bitter, I hated everyone and everything for not being as unhappy as me. Three years of psychotherapy, medication and various other therapies is quite good at changing that position. Now I can see that meaning comes from guiding my children and trying to help others more than anything. I have learnt that meaning doesn’t come from things and belongings, it comes from within, how you feel about yourself and where you are in the world around you. The podcast feels meaningful to me too, the conversations about feelings and experiences mean something to me and those sharing them. It’s been a long road, but I do feel that finally I am living a meaningful life. 



What are some of the challenges you think the next generation will face?

I often find conversations coming round to adults damning the internet and social media, saying that children have it so much harder as a result. I think that most children don’t know any other way and they manage to negotiate such things very well for the most part. I am always shocked by how accepting and emotionally literate the generation below me are! They seem to have more empathy and they accept differences much more. In many ways I am hopeful that the next generations will create a more balanced and flourishing world. That is if we are able to get it together enough to leave them the planet to thrive on. I think the next generation will face the aftermath of the decline of the planet, that’s illness, war and climate change. But I think they will be so much better with technology that they will figure out a way to survive and be kind at the same time.